Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
