i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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