I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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