I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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