watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
