The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
