If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
