My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
