Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
