great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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