At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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