im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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