i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
