your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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