Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
