So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
