shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
