don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
