capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
