And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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