his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
