i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
