wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
