if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
