I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
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Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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