There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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