Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you would pick up someone in the library
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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