Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
