There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
