i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
