There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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