Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
