Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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