He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
