I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
