i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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