**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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