I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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