so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
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It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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