You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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