Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
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Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Holy shit dude........stairs
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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