We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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