i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
