why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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