we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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