Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
