I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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