my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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