Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And then he peed in my hair
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
