my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
