I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
