Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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