Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
