is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
