i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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