watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
