i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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