Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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