I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
