I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
