So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize