I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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